Barack Obama is hiding more secrets than John Kerry. Don't worry though, according to the email making the rounds, one of America's greatest nonexistent detectives is hot on the trail, paper trail , that is. And if Columbo has any trouble, no doubt he will turn to America's foremost investigative journal, The National Enquirer. Of course, when important records are missing, the first place to look is Hillary's closet.Ah . . . Sorry to bother you Mr. Obama, Sir.
Excuse me Mr. Obama, I mean Senator Obama, sir. Um . . . know you are busy and important and stuff. I mean running for president is very important and . . . ah . . . I hate to bother you. I will only take a minute ok, sir?
See, I have these missing pieces that are holding me up, and I was wondering sir, if you could take time out of your busy schedule and help me out.. You know, no big deal, just some loose ends and things.
Hey, you have a nice place here! The wife sees houses like this on TV all the time and says boy she wishes she had digs like this you know? Is that painting real? Really? Wow. I saw something like that in a museum once!
Oh, sorry sir. I didn't mean to get off the track. So if you could just help me out a minute and give me some details, I will get right out of your way. I want to close this case and maybe take the wife to Coney Island or something. Ever been to Coney Island ? No, I didn't think so. . .
Well, listen, anyways, I can't seem to get some information I need to wrap this up. These things seem to either be "locked" or "not available'. I'm sure it's just some oversight or glitch or something, so if you could you tell me where these things are . I . . . have them written down here somewhere . . . oh wait.. Sorry about the smears. It was raining out. I'll just read it to you.
Could you help me please find these things, sir?
• Your Occidental College records
• Your Columbia College records
• Your Columbia Thesis paper
• Your Harvard College records
• Your Selective Service Registration
• Your medical records
• Your Illinois State Senate records
• Your Illinois State Senate schedule
• Your Law practice client list
• A Certified Copy of your original Birth certificate
• Your embossed, signed paper Certification of Live Birth
• Your Harvard Law Review articles that were published
• Your University of Chicago scholarly articles
• Your Record of baptism
Oh hey . . . listen! I know you are busy! Is this too much for you now? Tell you what. I will come back tomorrow. Give you some time to get these things together, you know? I know you are busy, so I will just let myself out. I will be back tomorrow. And the day after. . .
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