The last voice of the free world, reporting to you from deep within a cave somewhere in the Shenandoah Mountains.
Still hoping to pass a universal health care bill congress has begun work on the universal dress code bill. If signed into law by president Obama all citizens will be required to dress in olive green clothes.
The universal hair style bill is expected to follow soon afterwards.
On the global warming front all cars will soon be replaced by universal bicycles.
To reduce obesity and to encourage preventative health care legislation is expected to pass forcing McDonald's to replace their menu of hamburgers with a universal rice menu.
It was also decided by the democrats in congress that to boost the economy; the wasteful practice of using many assorted utensils would be abolished and a universal system of chopsticks would be implemented.
In a spirit of brotherhood and solidarity, all citizens will be issued universal red scarfs.
President Obama spoke in the Rose Garden this morning and said, “Our only true objective is Universal World Peace."
The First Lady speaking with empathy and support for the future direction of our country stated that next spring all the roses in the rose garden will be red.
Future legislation is being drafted called the one child policy.
Not only will families be restricted to one child, all new babies will be micro chipped for national security.
Because of our increasing debt with China all new babies will have MADE IN CHINA stamped on their bottoms.
To commerate these great achievements statues and pictures of Obama are now being places in all of our towns and institutions.
Youth camps are encouraged to sing and praise our great Marxist leader and those dissenting will be detained for re-education.
Still Reporting,
Correspondent Ben Grace © 2010
This news service is provided entirely as satire.
“Dark times call for dark humor”
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