In the News:
With talk of legalized marijuana, the White House has changed their mantra of Hope and Change to Dope and Change.
President Obama was quoted as saying, “I’ll be your sugar daddy.” The administration is now taking the position of pimp, pusher and health care provider.
Al Gore, the infamous inventor of the Internet has made yet another scientific breakthrough. He has theorized that the last ice age was brought about by global warming.
He states that it was the emissions of the mastodons that did them in and caused global warming, thereby making the temperature colder. This catastrophe could have been prevented had there been a carbon tax on mastodon emissions before their extinction.
A Nobel Peace prize is expected to follow on the heels of this amazing discovery. Al Gore is presently touring the world in his private jet to spread his new theory, “Global warming causes ice age.”
In other news: America has lost the cold war and is now in the hands of the communists.
Anyone owning a gun is now to be considered part of a militia.
Anyone who is a Christian is now to be considered part of a militia.
Anyone opposed to Government Health Control is now to be considered a racist.
Anyone who is here illegally will now be considered to be legal.
In other great news for the Arab world, Obama turns against Israel. Iran is expected to get nukes. Obama plans on dismantling America’s nuclear arsenal.
There is a rumor that after the meeting with the Israeli Prime Minister, that President Obama shouted, “Ali Obama Jihad.” However, those reports are being retracted via water boarding as we speak.
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